Today I gave myself a break…
A day to rest my ears, close my eyes, still my mind, and fix my heart.
I haven’t graciously accepted a day like this in forever.
I struggle with down time and with bring alone, yet I have a lot of it.
Usually I punish myself with “shoulds” (You know, all those things you tell yourself you should be doing) and rack myself with guilt for not being the most productive or most social person I should be (There I go with the “shoulds” again!)
But I have realized the usual isn’t working.
So when the kids left for their dad’s at 11:00, I declared this day my own.
And I quietly celebrated a break…
A break from counting carbs and giving shots
From logging numbers and breaking up fights between squabbling siblings
From the orthodontist and the bills
Today I got a break from cooking and cleaning and laundry and raindrops (Hello glorious sunshine!) and I don’t have to get up for a 2 a.m. blood sugar check.
Literally, not a spoken word since 11 a.m, unless you count talking to the cat…and the choice words I muttered when I sliced my pinky finger while getting out a lawn chair.
These “breaks” aren’t always welcome and I often waste away my time wishing for plans and conversation and counting down the minutes until they return, only to find myself frantically doing all the chores in the two hours before I pick them up.
Today I watched the garden grow and read for hours.
I ate leftovers with my feet propped up and I got some sun.
I took a long walk and I guiltlessly discovered my next project on Pinterest.
I listened to birds and the breeze and dogs and car doors and never once secretly wished it was someone coming to visit me on such an alone, but not lonely, day.