On the 729th Day…

On the 729th day that Ian has Type 1 Diabetes, I have a lot of mixed feelings.
Tomorrow it will be 730 days….

That’s two years.
Only two years?
Two years already?

As January 4th – his “2 Year Dia-versary” – approached, I kept having this strange feeling….almost like a sense of relief or something. I almost felt “excited” for the day, like you’d feel for Christmas.   I don’t know why. It’s not like on the 2 year anniversary, we’d be “halfway done” or “almost there” or “cured.”  It’s not like we beat some milestone, or even met a goal. His A1C sucks.

Still, I felt relief.

But I also felt some sadness and some anger and some fear and some pain….

It all just came rushing back to me. The day, the day that followed, and the days after that….

And I realized that every year, every January 3rd, I will mourn the loss of that particular life we had. I think I’m entitled to that; I think it’s to be expected.

But every January 4th, I will let out a sigh of relief.  I will celebrate the life we are living now, another year of accomplishments and dreams, of growing up and finding our way.

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