A few days ago I went through some old posts, desperate for some reminder that things will get better.
I found several posts that had me in the same, or similar, place with the same, or similar, feelings…. (All of these posts were written before I went public with this blog.)
On the days that Ian is with his dad and stepmom, I scramble to get things done around here and I try to get some extra sleep, but breaks don’t seem like breaks.
We’ve had some really awesome days. In fact, he’s had three days in which his numbers were darn near perfect. And then…BOOM…Hello 300s!! We meet again….. I had to remind myself diabetes can’t change the past.
As I peel off the old pod (and fight the squeamish feelings I feel) and try to distract him from the pod change, it breaks my heart. It’s stupid and unfair that he has to have this disease, and he has to endure these things. All I can think is “I’m so sorry this happened to you.
As Ian struggled through a baseball practice, his dad and I were texting about the unfairness of this all and how we’d trade places with him in a heartbeat. Being a parent of a child with a chronic illness it not what we signed up for, but we will do whatever we have to do.
And doing what we have to do…well, it’s exhausting. I’ve already explained this; I’m so tired.
I know that having this pump is the beginning of a new chapter for Ian. He will be able to be so much more independent and he will need this as he gets older. He has already mastered the PDM. He can enter his carbs and give himself a bolus, and it’s all so good for his confidence and self-esteem. He is managing all of his care at school – making a phone call to his stepmom at lunch time everyday.
Yesterday morning I was reading a book when he woke up and I said, “Let me finish this chapter, and then I’ll get your breakfast.” He said, “No, you keep reading. I can do it by myself now.” My sweet boy, you continue to amaze me.
This move from shots to a pump has not been the easiest transition. I foolishly didn’t see this coming. It is just a new chapter, and I have to face it.
And even though sometimes the reality of forever blows my mind, I know we will be ok.