The past few days I’ve had something on my mind. There is just something I don’t understand. Something I can’t wrap my brain around.
Not that diabetes makes sense. I’m definitely figuring that out. I know that heredity and environment and many other factors can’t be ruled out or proven right now. There is no reasonable explanation.
Still, I am having a hard time understanding WHEN and WHY Ian got diabetes.
This thought came to me when I was sitting at my desk and I looked up at a picture from Halloween 2004. Ian was one year old. He was Bob the Builder and Marisa was a Disney princess. It’s a sepia-toned candid pic and his curly brown hair was blowing in the wind.
I can’t believe, don’t want to believe, can’t accept, don’t want to accept….that at that moment, or any moment in the almost 3500 days he didn’t have diabetes…he was still going to get it on January 4, 2013.
This was always going to happen?
I don’t get it.
Was it already part of him?
Was it already his future?
Was it inevitable?
Some will say, and I guess I have to accept, because there is no way of explaining this, that this was part of the plan.
And like all diseases that hit undeserving victims, I just don’t understand.