Last night Ian had a total meltdown before dinner.
His blood sugar wasn’t low. We hadn’t even discussed a shot. He wasn’t picking out food for his meal.
He just lost it. He was crying and it broke my heart.
I took him from the kitchen to my bedroom and just held him…like a baby and let him cry.
“I’m tired of this,” he cried.
Me too. Me too.
And then there is MJ….she is having trouble sleeping and try as I might, I can’t get her to talk. I’ve tried to get her to open up about whatever it is that is bugging her. I wish it was just her being an almost teenager, but I am so afraid it is not.
I’m afraid that this stupid disease is hurting her too.
Sometimes I think I am doing better and I feel good. And then I get a text or an email from a someone and their kind words bring tears to my eyes.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate their thoughts and their effort to reach out. I do.
It’s just that I hate that they have to…that our lives are like this now and require these kinds of interactions.
I do not know how I will go back to work and face people. I can’t read a text without crying. How do I handle looking them in the eyes and not feel the sympathy and pity and sadness?
Not only does my son have a broken pancreas….I have a broken heart.