Thought #22: Your pancreas is broken and so is my heart.

Last night Ian had a total meltdown before dinner.

His blood sugar wasn’t low. We hadn’t even discussed a shot. He wasn’t picking out food for his meal.

He just lost it. He was crying and it broke my heart.

I took him from the kitchen to my bedroom and just held him…like a baby and let him cry.

“I’m tired of this,” he cried.

Me too. Me too.

And then there is MJ….she is having trouble sleeping and try as I might, I can’t get her to talk.  I’ve tried to get her to open up about whatever it is that is bugging her. I wish it was just her being an almost teenager, but I am so afraid it is not.

I’m afraid that this stupid disease is hurting her too.

Sometimes I think I am doing better and I feel good. And then I get a text or an email from a someone and their kind words bring tears to my eyes.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate their thoughts and their effort to reach out. I do.

It’s just that I hate that they have to…that our lives are like this now and require these kinds of interactions.

I do not know how I will go back to work and face people. I can’t read a text without crying. How do I handle looking them in the eyes and not feel the sympathy and pity and sadness?

Not only does my son have a broken pancreas….I have a broken heart.


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